Clusterfuck (Paperback)

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Staff Reviews

Clusterfuck is an extreme horror story about a small group of frat brothers from Sigma Alpha Epsilon that adjudicate to spend the night in an unexplored deserted cave. The "Bros" convince several dorm girls to accompany the trip for entertainment purposes only, and once the party arrives at their destination, the madness begins. Throwing caution to the wind, the group enters to explore the vast integral cavern and attempt to create untouched discoveries. The purpose of the mission stems from a folk lore myth involving alchemists attempting to discover a chemical recipe for immortality, a belief that there existed a powerful mineral inside the mountain which was the key component. Once found, disaster struck and the whole town was swallowed by the ground never to be heard from again. The band of present spelunkers soon finds themselves in jeopardy and must rely on odd strengths each behold, such as a nice middle-class girl who happened to be raised by Satanists. A common household occurrence for her would include completing homework, brushing her teeth for bed, and sacrificing Mr. Floppy Ears to the Dark Lord. Who would have thought having connections to Satan would come in handy?
Carlton Mellick's gore filled creation pops with gaudy colorful characters such as Extreme Dean, whose only concern is himself and how he can transmit to others how awesome he is. Or Lauren, whose obsession is to cook for people, yet wanting her food to be special, personal, and more intimate than any other. To achieve this goal she includes a piece of herself in every dish created, such as sweat, blood, spit, and of course feces. An explained required skill is introduced to the reader to mask flavors of urine and vomit in the way only Carlton Mellick's mind can produce.
The unusual balance of horror and comedy conceived by Mellick lead to a non-stop imaginative storytelling that the reader won't forget. Descriptions of confined crawl spaces and small cave entrances are bound to cause feelings of tense claustrophobia throughout. The reader will be educated and entertained by rules and regulations Mellick includes in each chapter called Bro Codes. Such as Bro Code #76 - A bro always has his bro’s back, especially when being hunted by subterranean cannibal mutants, or, Bro Code #145 - A bro never touches another bro's muscle no matter how impressive. Along with these amusing surprises, a bonus section that is a self-drawn comic strip by the author is included in place of the usual afterword. These are wonderful discoveries waiting to be explored, led by the captain in the genre of Bizarro Fiction.

— Mike, Albuquerque


A bunch of douchebag frat boys get trapped in a cave with subterranean cannibal mutants and try to survive not by using their wits but by following the bro code . . .

From master of bizarro fiction Carlton Mellick III, author of the international cult hits Satan Burger and Adolf in Wonderland, comes a violent and hilarious B movie in book form. Set in the same woods as Mellick's splatterpunk satire Apeshit, Clusterfuck follows Trent Chesterton, alpha bro, who has come up with what he thinks is a flawless plan to get laid. He invites three hot chicks and his three best bros on a weekend of extreme cave diving in a remote area known as Turtle Mountain, hoping to impress the ladies with his expert caving skills.

But things don't quite go as Trent planned. For starters, only one of the three chicks turns out to be remotely hot and she has no interest in him for some inexplicable reason. Then he ends up looking like a total dumbass when everyone learns he's never actually gone caving in his entire life. And to top it all off, he's the one to get blamed once they find themselves lost and trapped deep underground with no way to turn back and no possible chance of rescue. What's a bro to do? Sure he could win some points if he actually tried to save the ladies from the family of unkillable subterranean cannibal mutants hunting them for their flesh, but fuck that. No slam piece is worth that amount of effort. He'd much rather just use them as bait so that he can save himself.

It's Tucker Max versus The Descent in this gore-filled comedy for the camp horror fan.

Product Details
ISBN: 9781621051176
ISBN-10: 162105117X
Publisher: Eraserhead Press
Publication Date: October 1st, 2013
Pages: 252
Language: English